Sponsor add

Filling the Void: Channeling My Compulsions Into Productivity

Published date : October 21, 2018

<p>How do you quit craving and thinking about something every day? You don&#39;t! I crossed the threshold of the next year of full-dry sobriety last April. In truth, I barely noticed it occurred. I was busy. Lively with family. Busy obsessing about things beyond my own control. But I wasn&#39;t busy-

shold of the next year of full-dry sobriety last April. In truth, I barely noticed it occurred. I was busy. Lively with family. Busy obsessing about things beyond my own control. But I wasn&#39;t busy considering drinking. Those who know in my previous encounter abusing alcohol have asked if I&#39;m cured, or&#39;ve moved past the need to pay attention to alcohol ingestion. Perhaps, some have supposed, there really wasn&#39;t a problem in the first location. The answer is no. I am not treated, and that I have not moved beyond the need to abstain from ingesting. Sponsored ad I&#39;ve been successful at fighting for a single reason: replacing my drinking with other compulsive behaviors. I&#39;ve steered my hurtful behaviour toward less destructive acts. Specifically, I have taken to writing as a tool I do in almost all of my spare time. This approach works for me. Until it doesn&#39;t. I used to drift off into a alcohol fueled sleeping clinging to the thought that one day I&#39;d write something great. Possibly the very following day. The next day I would get drunk again instead. Entertaining cycle. I had thoughts about creating a memoir. I was sure the entire world would liven up the narrative of my broken childhood. I thought of writing great dramatic fiction, also about publishing my own study into research journals. I have ended up writing mainly about everything I do for a living, and also the way my area (design/tech) can address how we promote the usage of alcohol at our offices and events. I&#39;ve printed a book with a real writer. I have also printed research from my dissertation. Writing has helped me cure. Composing has also shown as a different compulsion I need to handle. I turned to writing when I confronted sobriety thoughts on. I remember sitting on my couch craving my normal Sunday morning beverage. Instead, I dismissed a pitch to an online magazine editor. A very simple article based on applying a principle I had learned in graduate school to electronic layout. I got a favorable reply two days later! They wanted to exhibit my pitch for their editorial board for debate. I spent the next few weeks compulsively checking my emailaddress. Another behavior I already engaged in, but with an added glow of hope every time I hit refresh. I have been Inbox-zero since my first email address. This took a month to get the editor to reply. I had written up and sent two more pitches for similar articles with different books in the meantime. All with potentially positive answers. I had likely refreshed my email 30,000 times during the month. Minimum. The editor replied with great news, as did the other two editors; my pictures were approved. I slid into writing for four or five hours daily. I wrote the posts. I revised the posts based on editorial feedback. I also pitched more pieces. Some were accepted. Some were diminished. Some landed to a dark hole and I never heard a response. Sponsored ad I realize that this cycle of nurturing and writing is comparable to alcoholism: craving, buzzing, binging, disappointment. Craving the high of a new email containing favorable news. Buzzing once I hear back that a novel wants to proceed. Binging on writing before the article (or book) is entire. The letdown of feeling like that I lack something once a piece is released. The compulsion to keep engaging in the behavior. I&#39;ve often thought for those who want something completed you should discover an enthusiast - we complete shit - we complete the previous jar of alcohol, so we complete the pub , we finish everything we could get our hands on. I&#39;ve come to be that way with composing. I have had posts in my head for years which are coming out. It only takes some time and thought to put together a summary and an argument. Something within me won&#39;t let me say one or ten or two is good enough. There should always be more. So, now I am a published author. I frequently put out fresh posts. I have a backlog of some couple topics I&#39;d love to write about. I spend the time I&#39;d otherwise have been drunk and out of control writing. Not too fast. Everything is greatest in moderation. We&#39;ve heard that. If writing or thinking about writing can ruin my life it would. I locate my own compulsive writing triggers conflicts with my loved ones. My wife doesn&#39;t appreciate the time I spend with my own face in my computer. Every night we place our two-year-old girl to bed together. Afterward I&#39;m quickly on the computer attempting to come up with additional words to talk to the world. I&#39;ve deadlinesto fulfill! We&#39;ve had the discussion around spending time with no face in the computer more than once. It&#39;s caused stress in our relationship. But I&#39;d argue it has caused considerably less strain than my drinking and drunken behaviour had. I would argue it&#39;s led us into a far superior life mentally and financially. Still, I need the reminder that it isn&#39;t OK to concentrate solely on a single behavior. I would like a constant check on my compulsions. For me, finding sobriety was about refocusing my compulsive tendencies. I have these tendencies. Channeling my compulsions is something I will do the rest of my entire life. Maintaining a variety of compulsions is something I&#39;ll struggle with too. I recommend filling the emptiness with healthy addictions. I really don&#39;t think there&#39;s any method to successfully tackle recovery in case you haven&#39;t found a different way to spend time you were used to spend obsessing over self-destruction. You&#39;ll have to locate a way to meet your own time, whether you&#39;re in your initial to 10,000th day of empowerment. Finding something that does not kill you and creates a positive contribution to the world is the lesser evil of compulsive behavior. I accept that I will always find some thing to obsess over. I accept alcohol will be that triumphed if I reintroduce it into my life. While I think about drinking, I still consider drinking everything. I really don&#39;t consider how good one beer could be. I think about how great one of each sort of beer I visit at the bottle store is. I think of how great it might feel, ever so briefly, to shed control once more. And I realize I want to compose something. Something like this.</p>