Sponsor add

Filling the Void: Channeling My Compulsions Into Productivity

Published date : October 21, 2018

How do you quit craving and thinking about some thing every day? You don't! I crossed the threshold of the next year of full-dry sobriety last April. In truth, I barely noticed it occurred. I was busy. Lively with family. Busy obsessing about things beyond my own control. But I wasn't busy consid-

ld of the next year of full-dry sobriety last April. In truth, I barely noticed it occurred. I was busy. Lively with family. Busy obsessing about things beyond my own control. But I wasn't busy considering drinking. Those who know in my previous encounter abusing alcohol have asked if I'm cured, or've moved past the need to pay attention to alcohol ingestion. Perhaps, some have supposed, there really wasn't a problem in the first location. The answer is no. I am not treated, and that I have not moved beyond the need to abstain from ingesting. Sponsored ad I've been successful at fighting for a single reason: replacing my drinking with other compulsive behaviors. I've steered my hurtful behaviour toward less destructive acts. Specifically, I have taken to writing as a tool I do in almost all of my spare time. This approach works for me. Until it doesn't. I used to drift off into a alcohol fueled sleeping clinging to the thought that one day I'd write something great. Possibly the very following day. The next day I would get drunk again instead. Entertaining cycle. I had thoughts about creating a memoir. I was sure the entire world would liven up the narrative of my broken childhood. I thought of writing great dramatic fiction, also about publishing my own study into research journals. I have ended up writing mainly about everything I do for a living, and also the way my area (design/tech) can address how we promote the usage of alcohol at our offices and events. I've printed a book with a real writer. I have also printed research from my dissertation. Writing has helped me cure. Composing has also shown as a different compulsion I need to handle. I turned to writing when I confronted sobriety thoughts on. I remember sitting on my couch craving my normal Sunday morning beverage. Instead, I dismissed a pitch to an online magazine editor. A very simple article based on applying a principle I had learned in graduate school to electronic layout. I got a favorable reply two days later! They wanted to exhibit my pitch for their editorial board for debate. I spent the next few weeks compulsively checking my emailaddress. Another behavior I already engaged in, but with an added glow of hope every time I hit refresh. I have been Inbox-zero since my first email address. This took a month to get the editor to reply. I had written up and sent two more pitches for similar articles with different books in the meantime. All with potentially positive answers. I had likely refreshed my email 30,000 times during the month. Minimum. The editor replied with great news, as did the other two editors; my pictures were approved. I slid into writing for four or five hours daily. I wrote the posts. I revised the posts based on editorial feedback. I also pitched more pieces. Some were accepted. Some were diminished. Some landed to a dark hole and I never heard a response. Sponsored ad I realize that this cycle of nurturing and writing is comparable to alcoholism: craving, buzzing, binging, disappointment. Craving the high of a new email containing favorable news. Buzzing once I hear back that a novel wants to proceed. Binging on writing before the article (or book) is entire. The letdown of feeling like that I lack something once a piece is released. The compulsion to keep engaging in the behavior. I've often thought for those who want something completed you should discover an enthusiast - we complete shit - we complete the previous jar of alcohol, so we complete the pub , we finish everything we could get our hands on. I've come to be that way with composing. I have had posts in my head for years which are coming out. It only takes some time and thought to put together a summary and an argument. Something within me won't let me say one or ten or two is good enough. There should always be more. So, now I am a published author. I frequently put out fresh posts. I have a backlog of some couple topics I'd love to write about. I spend the time I'd otherwise have been drunk and out of control writing. Not too fast. Everything is greatest in moderation. We've heard that. If writing or thinking about writing can ruin my life it would. I locate my own compulsive writing triggers conflicts with my loved ones. My wife doesn't appreciate the time I spend with my own face in my computer. Every night we place our two-year-old girl to bed together. Afterward I'm quickly on the computer attempting to come up with additional words to talk to the world. I've deadlinesto fulfill! We've had the discussion around spending time with no face in the computer more than once. It's caused stress in our relationship. But I'd argue it has caused considerably less strain than my drinking and drunken behaviour had. I would argue it's led us into a far superior life mentally and financially. Still, I need the reminder that it isn't OK to concentrate solely on a single behavior. I would like a constant check on my compulsions. For me, finding sobriety was about refocusing my compulsive tendencies. I have these tendencies. Channeling my compulsions is something I will do the rest of my entire life. Maintaining a variety of compulsions is something I'll struggle with too. I recommend filling the emptiness with healthy addictions. I really don't think there's any method to successfully tackle recovery in case you haven't found a different way to spend time you were used to spend obsessing over self-destruction. You'll have to locate a way to meet your own time, whether you're in your initial to 10,000th day of empowerment. Finding something that does not kill you and creates a positive contribution to the world is the lesser evil of compulsive behavior. I accept that I will always find some thing to obsess over. I accept alcohol will be that triumphed if I reintroduce it into my life. While I think about drinking, I still consider drinking everything. I really don't consider how good one beer could be. I think about how great one of each sort of beer I visit at the bottle store is. I think of how great it might feel, ever so briefly, to shed control once more. And I realize I want to compose something. Something like this.